What's the pity-party all about?

This week started off a little shaky for me. I’ve been a little emotional to begin with, but I was in tears Monday night as I sat in the kitchen writing Ellie’s BGL’s (blood glucose levels) in our log book to show to the endocrinologist the following day. Poor Todd...he was at work and trying to deal with my meltdown the best he could, but there wasn’t much he could do or say to pacify me at that moment. He was doing his best to let me know what a good Mommy he thinks I am, but I wasn’t having it.

As I was logging the numbers in and looking back at the last few months, it just seemed Ellie’s BGL’s were all over the place and I was certain that her A1C level (average of your blood sugar control over a 3-4 month period) was going to come back high. The higher the A1C, the higher your risk of diabetes complications. So...I was having somewhat of a "breakdown" moment. My heart was hurting and I felt like I was failing my daughter. Being a Mommy is such a big responsibility in itself, but being a Mommy to a child with diabetes can sometimes be a little overwhelming. My daughter’s future health relies on me and I just didn’t feel I was cutting it. I was having my own self pity party, but I guess we are all entitled to one every now and then. Thank goodness my kids were outside playing or they would of thought I was nuts.

Ellie and I went to her appointment yesterday and it went well...very well. I walked out of that office feeling much more confident in myself as a Mommy and with a stronger determination to do my best (now I just have to get my husband to let me quit my job and I'll have a lot more time to focus). We had a really good, long talk with Dr. Damian yesterday and I am so happy we found her. She sat and talked to me and Ellie for a good hour about BGL’s, meals, insulin injections, etc... She always reassures me that diabetes is a science and I'm doing my best. It’s not an easy job to maintain perfect BGL’s and although it would be nice, there is no set plan. We will forever be adjusting and tweaking, so we just have to figure out a good daily plan for the present time and make the necessary adjustments.

I am happy to report that Ellie finally gained some weight and grew a little taller since our last visit. Plus, her A1C went from 8.4 to 7.8, so I was VERY happy to hear that! The goal for people with diabetes is 7 or less, so although we are still a tad high, we are making progress. The doctor seemed pretty happy with that number, so it made me feel much better.

Everyone in that doctor’s office absolutely adores Ellie and is so excited to see her when she walks in that door. The doctor tells Ellie all the time that she is their "favorite patient." They call her "Ellie-Minnelli" and my "favorite patient who is always smiling." Last time we were there Ellie gave them a picture that she drew for them and they had it posted right on the wall.

After Ellie and I walked out of the doctor’s office hand in hand, I thought to myself...I’m not the one who has to endure those everyday pricks and pokes, so I need to get over my pity party. For everything that Ellie tolerates on a daily basis, she is a pretty "happy-go-lucky" girl and for that reason, I think I’m pretty darn lucky!

I love you, Elle Belle!